Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
“I can’t believe I’m one of those women.”
That’s what I thought as I packed my getaway bag and stashed
it in my car.
“I’m one of those
women.”
I thought I knew what domestic violence and its victims
looked like. It was sad, but it wouldn’t happen to me. I came from a loving,
middle-class family. I had good friends. I was bright, educated, and talented.
Not like one of those women.
I would never allow myself to be treated that way. I would
know better. I would recognize an abusive man a mile away. I wasn’t weak,
ignorant, or pitiable. Not like one of those
women.
I had a clear picture in my mind of who those women were,
and I wasn’t one of them.
Until I was.
I quickly learned what an abuse survivor really looks like:
She is poor, homeless, well-off, jobless, professional,
godless, God-fearing, well-connected, utterly alone, young, old, gay, straight.
She has a history of abuse and an idyllic childhood. She needed rescue or simply
fell in love and can’t figure out how it has gone so wrong. She has no idea how
she ended up in this nightmare, but she knows it’s her fault. She will keep
trying to defend and fix her relationship until she can’t anymore. She will
leave when she is ready. She may never be ready.
She is stronger than she knows and hates having to summon
that strength each minute of each day. She
has no idea how she will make it through another nightmarish night. She still
hopes: hopes she is wrong, hopes things will get better, hopes he will change, because
without that sliver of hope, she is lost.
Most importantly, she is real. She is not a statistic or a sad story or a political tool.
She is a hurting human being. Whoever she is, she is doing her level best simply
to survive.
She needs compassion. She needs safe people who will show
her love, kindness, and patience, because her home life is hard enough. She
knows she isn’t an easy friend, but oh, how desperately she needs that
lifeline.
I was 23, fresh out of college, and was scared out of my
mind. I was finally ready to leave.
I was one of those women.
